By Andrea Broekemeier
I am a woman who doesn’t want kids. For as long as I can remember I haven’t wanted them. To be honest, babies kind of gross me out. Pregnancy bellies even more so. Something about the thought of a tiny living thing being inside someone else that’s on the verge of exploding from that someone’s fun parts just rubs me the wrong way. Yes, it’s a beautiful thing and the miracle of birth and all that cute stuff, but I can’t stop thinking about the reality of it. Blood. Pain. Poop for god’s sake. I’ll pass.
Really though, the pregnancy thing isn’t the biggest part of it for me, even though that’s what I always joke about. I’ve just never seen myself as a mother. When I think about my future I think about traveling, with a job I worked hard for, a few pets to spoil, and maybe a significant other to share my time with. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the desire to have children and start a family, but that’s not what I envision for myself most of the time.
It’s odd being a woman who doesn’t want kids. Not in the sense that I feel odd, but that people act like I’m odd when I express my childless desires. A lot of people don’t understand how a woman, who is socially expected go nuts whenever a baby enters the room, wouldn’t want to have one of their own. There are people who claim “Don’t worry, you’ll change your mind someday, just you wait.” It’s frustrating, having my feelings invalidated like that. Yeah, maybe I will change my mind someday. It’s not like I’m getting my tubes tied tomorrow; I’m not that certain.
“It’s frustrating, having my feelings invalidated like that.” Tweet this Quote!
Some of my lack of desire for children might come from my own childhood. My dad was abusive, so my family wasn’t one of those close, happy ones, which I was always surprised to see when I went to a friend’s house as a kid. It’s just hard to picture myself being a part of that. I know I can be impatient and angry, and a part of me is afraid that I’d do to my kids what my dad did to us. I know logically I wouldn’t, but the fear is still there. And when I hear people say I’ll change my mind someday, like it’s no big deal and I’m just being silly now, it kind of hurts in a way. It is a big deal for me. I don’t think my mom thought things were going to turn out like they did when she ended up with my dad. So if I ever do decide to have a kid, I’m going to be damned sure that doesn’t happen again.
I never really understood why it should be so strange for someone not to want kids. Having children doesn’t accomplish any of the goals I have for myself. I’m the kind of person who likes to be alone and relax, to have the freedom to get up and go see a show at the last minute, who doesn’t want to have to worry about what’s going on in someone else’s life in addition to my own. Maybe when I’m older conditions will change and I’ll feel the desire to let a child into my life, but for right now I don’t want that. I don’t want to hear people telling me that this is just a phase, because I have good reasons for not wanting a life with children. I want people to be able to accept me for who I am: A woman who doesn’t want children.
Andrea is a 23 year old student at St. Cloud State who loves to learn and try new things. She likes Sci-fi (way too much), and is proud to be a book nerd.