“Marriage expert Hellen Chen asserted that 85 percent of relationships end in a breakup. 50 percent of marriages end up in divorce.”
I know, astonishing isn’t it?
Its incredible how so many bonds, so many memories, so many promises just go to waste.
You may have been just broken up with, as we speak or well you may have broken it off with someone, even.
So you! Yes, you! Tell me what does it feel like?
Does it feel like someone just ripped your heart out?
Does it feel like you got supremely betrayed and it’s just so unfair to you?
Have you started questioning where it went all wrong and how you didn’t see it coming?
Well, if you answered yes to majority of the above then you, my friend, are in for a treat.
Now that I’ve given you that ray of hope, let me tell you now how you are going to be, just fine.
Trust me when I say this; days down the line you will reflect back on your breakup and you will see reason, you will get why things end, only for new things to begin.
I know, I know. At this point, you must be questioning how I can be so sure and why you should listen to me? Had I been you, I would have questioned the same thing so I’ll let this one slide. I will take no offense.
I would know because I was exactly where you are just months ago.
Cried myself to sleep? Check.
Made everyone feel sorry for me? Check.
Stopped eating completely? Check.
Fell sick both metaphorically and physically? Check.
Yes, you heard it. The person who is trying to pick you up and say it will be fine was at her lowest once as well. My days would go by in a stupor and all I did was feel sorry for myself. Weeks went by and I still didn’t make any progress. My education, my work everything started crumbling down.
That’s when I realized that guys come, they go but I am still here. I quit my job, I packed my bags and then I moved back home. Home for the summer.
I wasn’t on a mission to run away, don’t get me wrong. I was just on a mission to heal myself. Best decision I ever made for the record.
After returning home and surrounding myself with my family, my friends I started questioning how and when the definition of love changed for me.
I’ll ask you this.
Why is that we need a significant other to feel loved? How is that as long as our partner loves us it’s all rainbows and sunshine and when they stop the world isn’t a good place to be at anymore? How can we forget the endless, selfless love our parents our friends constantly bestow upon us? Isn’t it a disgrace to their love when after a breakup we act so broken and act as if we were never loved? How is that love not enough?
Now, I’ll answer that for you.
Its human nature, isn’t it that we view romantic love above every other love that we receive.
However, think about it the next time you feel like you are unloved. Think about how you are loved and how romantic lovely solely doesn’t have to define you.
So do you know why breakups hurt so much after all? Here, I’ll share some insights with you.
I’m sure It’ll put things into perspective for you
Breakups don’t hurt not necessarily. It is the eradication of memories that you once shared with your loved one, that hurts. Think about it! What haunts you now it’s just the memories isn’t it? If there were no memories would break up be so hard? No right? It’d be easy so well that’s where the catch is.
You were on a journey with that individual and somewhere along the way things fell apart and you parted ways and now you’re left with the baggage of memories you once shared with them. You don’t carry it voluntarily it sticks with you involuntarily.
Here here let me give you some perspective;
Let’s say you went on a hike
Along the way a leech got stuck to your leg
You try to rip it off of your leg and it hurts and it stings.
Do you see where I’m going with that?
Yes, you’ve got it. I’m basically calling the memories of your past relationship a leech. Yup I said it. So when you try to rip that memory apart it’s bound to hurt you.
Thus, to let go of the memories in your whole system, you will have to go through a level of suffering invariably and memories tend to pay up more strongly when your partner no longer is present in your life. That’s just your mind trying to make things worse for you and it will.
However, like everything in life, pain is only temporary. Suffering is only fleeting. After a cloudy day you always see the sunshine.
If you never complete a chapter in your life, how will you move on to the next one? How will you write the beautiful story that is your life if you’re stuck in all the could have beens and the should have beens?
So listen carefully when I say this: you are not alone. Breakups happen to every one of us.
You know what?
Quote me on this, I am telling you: You will live again, you will love again, you will laugh again.
An incomplete individual can never complete the other. So work on yourself, invest in yourself and be whole again. Breakups are nothing but a momentary pain before the glory. Endless possibility awaits you.
You’re a warrior, you’ve come a long way and you’ll go a long way. One bad experience or a couple of bad experiences don’t have to define you. They never will define you.
You were meant to shine and nothing can dull your sparkle.
Asmita Koirala is a senior at St. Cloud State University. She is originally from Nepal, and she moved to the United States three years ago to further her education. Her major is Liberal Arts, and she chose Liberal Arts because she doesn’t want to be limited within a major and thus wants to pursue different avenues and know a little about everything. She spends her free time reading and writing. She also enjoys the outdoors and likes to go on hikes as well as snowboard during the winter. She is a dog person through and through. She wants to make a change in people’s lives through her writing. She basically wants to empower women to be the best version of themselves because life is too short to be mediocre. Editor.